I know a lot of people complain about America, but things really are pretty damn good here. I went to Disneyland recently and noticed so many things that blew my mind about the country I live in. I paid $47 to get into the place, then paid $14 for lunch and didn’t finish it, so I just added my leftovers to the mounds and mounds of uneaten food over by the trashcan. I swear you could have fed 20 people with what was left in the trash at that restaurant. I also noticed that America has to be one of the few countries where people see a body of water and just throw their money in it! I looked into one fountain and couldn’t even see the bottom of it because it was covered in “spare change.” I know that money isn’t everything, but could you imagine what people from Somalia, Eastern Europe or parts of South America would think if they saw our stupid asses throwing handfuls of change into fountains? No wonder so much of the world despises the United States! People starve to death across the globe daily, and I pay tons of money to go dick-around at Disneyland… Well, on that chipper little note: let me give you this week’s news!

Don't you just love that guys insight?